Wednesday 22 July 2009

Glade 2009- Things to do at the weirdest festival you can possibly imagine!


There are many festivals on the radar these days, but the long standing ones would definitely fall into the category of the weirdest places on Earth! This of course is where Glade and Glastonbury are safely ensconced. There is Reading and Leeds Festival, but in my experience, this is only wierd in the sense that loads of teenager types can be seen doing 'random' things, blowing up shit, and drinking till they vomit, or violate themselves or others, because 'OMG that was so ROTFL!'.
I went to both Glade and Glastonbury Festivals, worked for Oxfam, and had a great time whilst I was doing it! But this isn't an article whih reflects the brilliance of not playing for a festival, or giving your time to charity for a good cause, (though of course this is all good!)
THIS is about those odd situations you find yourself in, when you are doing what you would not normally do at a festival, i.e- staying up all night mildly sober, with a high viz jacket on. First off, these high viz jackets are pretty much a beacon of joy for those who are out of their faces, and they will come and chat to you, and its brilliant!
Glade really highlighted the specific episodes of awesome that were encountered, as that was the time when mine and Jon Hall's job was to walk around the site and make sure everything was running smoothly with other Oxfam Stewards.

The best thing about Glade would be the fact that every Veteran of the Festival, who have been there through rising rain fall, wading through rivers, and site changes, treat it like a second home. Party till you pass out, sleep where you fall, get up and do it all again... with only 20 minutes kip! there are always party 'sustainers' to keep you on top of your game, and plenty of resounding bass lines to keep your mind awake and alert, or at least your body anyway. Best of the Best had to be Moderat, Apparat and Modselektor. Bloody amazing! Great Visuals and an out and out party atmosphere to sink your teeth into. Add to that the fantastic final set on stage at the OVERKILL tent on sunday, namely Ed DMX and really, you couldn't ask for anything more. Sober and still cannot stop dancing?! you know its good!

Truly the best thing about Glade is that everyone is there for the music, and its just as well, it never stops! Dusk till dawn and all that. It got to the point that on the Monday morning, while rolling around the site, doing my final shift with Jon, a fine upstanding member of the oxfam community asked us if the generator we could hear in the distance was actually just some really fast Gabba. This is apparently a regular occurrence, as another Glade Veteran followed this self-same noise once, seeking Gabba, and found 8 or 9 hippy types surrounding a massive generator, grooving to its repetitive output.

The stories you can collect from the punters of the church of Glade are pretty much always amazing. One very fond memory, and several warnings for future Glade goers, came in the form of the scardiest Emo boy I have ever seen walking towards us out of the mid-dawn funk of mashed up sounds, and cheering up us moody buggers who had to work. We learnt this:

1) When finding a big bag of white powder on the floor, be suspicious. If you must take it, don't take loads at once, mix it with Madman, and spend the rest of the night in a hyped up K-hole (yes it was tranquilizer). This will lead to funny results apparently, but I wouldn't advise it as a life rule.

2) When in this little world of your own 'tripping bollocks', don't ring your Dad, its never a good idea. This boy was talking to him for three hours, leading to some sort of classic intervention when he got home!

After this little interlude, we sat around at the gate, Indigo 17, with some lovely Stewarding folk, chatting away and shepherding jaded festivilians. it was getting pretty late, and aside from some minimal ambient drug use, we were all pretty sober. We met a guy from Wycombe. His story followed:
"I knew this guy, from around Wycombe, who took some acid and went to a county fair. He was really off his face. Ended up in a police cell. When he woke up, he asked why he was there. The policeman said 'mate, you punched my horse in the face!', when they had asked why he did it, he said it was because it was the apocalypse, and the horse was on fire." The problem with that logic is, how the hell would you put a horse, who is on fire, out by punching it?!
Never trust the logic of an acid-tripper!.....
As someone who rarely listens to electronic music, Techno, Breakbeat, Hardcore, Dub, Gabba of my own accord, it may be strange that i would HIGHLY rate this festival. Aside from the amazing stories, the truth is that this is the best way to listen to music. Surrounded by sweaty, happy, muddy, dusty, dirty, filthy fun-loving abusers, contemplating a Bass line which shakes you to your very core, and blinds all other senses save for the feeling of the vibration thundering through you. Perfect. Don't expect to sleep much, or eat too well, if at all (unlike most other festivals, there was NEVER a queue for the food bars), but do expect to meet people who are slightly unhinged but social perfection, and amazing electro musical mystical feasts of sound that are not to be beaten!

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